Personal, Philosophy

Carlotta … exploring your own identity

On the evening of Thursday 19 June at 8.30pm, Carlotta was aired on ABC.

Synopsis: How many working class Balmain boys grow up to be showgirls? Not just any showgirl but a household name, a legend of Kings Cross, a daytime TV star, and a symbol of generational change. CAST: Jessica Marais; Eamon Farren

I was drawn into the telemovie, “Carlotta”, in fact, I felt the emotion of denial, pain, sadness, excitement and the passion … It was about exploring your own identity in the harsh world of late 1950s onward. Carlotta is a very brave person to continue fighting for what she believes and she has achieved many things in her life.

The first part of growing up hit a core within me as I believed that I was supposed to be a boy, not a girl. I have been a tomboy for the most of my early life. My upbringing was not that great as going through sexual abuses, parents being divorced and I just focused on going to school to get away from everything. It was not a time to explore my identity in the early age of 5 to 12 years.

I started exploring my identity when I was a teenager and I knew that I liked women. Being in a conservative family and that was not an option, so I thought at the time. I first started thinking about sex change at the prime age of 15. That was when Internet was available back in 2000s on a slow dial up mode. I was excited about what future may holds when I leave home. The idea of becoming a male was exciting at the time and I had to wait until I was 18 to allow that to happen. I explored the pre and post life of a woman becoming a male and the life the person is having.

It never happened as my life took a different path. I have learnt a lot in the last 14 years of my young adult life and I am happy being a women and being with a woman as it is socially acceptable to an extent (we still cannot get married legally in Australia).

Identity is one of the biggest issues that we are facing today due to mainstream media and social media as people now are “copying” others rather than being themselves. I am fortunate enough not to mimic the mainstream media when I was growing up which my friends did. I wasn’t remotely interested in what the world was doing and I was more interested in what life has to offer. Still today, I am forever curious about various aspects of life.

People need to start taking step back and determine who you really are. Rather than what other wants you to be and what you think you are. Start exploring your identity and know yourself better. You will appreciate it, for the time you spent reflecting on your own identity and not living by someone’s expectations of you.

When I watched “Carlotta”, I reflected on all the battle that were had to make today better and the battles that is still to be had to make the future better. Thank you to the people who suffered to make today better. Thank you to those who are fighting today to make future better.

Carlotta is available on ABC iView: http://iview.abc.net.au/programs/carlotta/DR1227H001S00

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