Unrelated topic – nothing to do with arts.
Someone asked me this question, how did I feel about winning for animal cruelty? Wow, what a slap in the face and yet never asked what made me walk into the tab yesterday to bet on a horse. Not many people knows my history so here is the story.
Yesterday, my partner asked me if I wanted to bet on a horse, just one off for my birthday, I thought why not, I won’t win anything. Did I think about animal cruelty or the fair game of the horse racing? No. I just wanted to get it over and done with so I can go bushwalking. I was curious to know what it feels like to gamble. As you see, I have never gambled for the last 11 years (I am 29 today). I only liked occasional scratches and I prefer the crossword scratches. Only occasional, maybe once or twice a year. But never, put money in pokies, bet on a horse, do the sports tipping, gold lotto or betting on celebrity. For what reason? You lose money and for a family reason as a member my family is a gambler and still is today.
So I was just curious to see what it feels like to bet on a horse. What is it that makes people want to spend money? The feeling is nothing but the winning the Melbourne Cup … wow! But at the same time, I feel disgusting. This is what makes people continue to gamble because of the excitement of winning the money. The winning will be put toward my travel fund and I will not gamble again for another 5 years. The future can be unpredictable.
As for animal cruelty advocacy, I gave that up 4 and half years ago. I remember when I first got involved in with wanting to look after the environment from a very early age. I asked my parents to be part of Clean Up Australia. I did things that I could within my limit of the age. I got my Environment Awards in year 6. Studied biology in high school. Did Environmental Science degree and Master of Environment degree. I was passionate about making a change for the better future in the environment. My bachelor degree has opened my eyes a lot more. There are thousands and thousands of issues out there in this world – not just animal cruelty, but human cruelty, plants cruelty, technology cruelty and environment cruelty.
One person that made me think really hard. Everything is a fair game and you just have to make the right choice. You can constantly fight for one issue and only see a small change in 10 years. This change will unravel so quickly before you even blink your eyes. I will give you a classic example. In 2011, Queensland passed the same-sex civil union legislation to recognise the relationship. In 2012, it was quickly changed to recognition of relationship in a registry. Huh? Yet, we continue to fight as we are a minority. It is wise to choose your own battles and to fight for what is important to you rather than think you can solve the world problem by advocating your believes onto people.
What has changed? 4 and half years ago, my life was going downhill at a very fast pace that I lost everything that I valued in life. That is a story only few people knows. Only a very few. I attempted suicide and spent almost 1 year in counselling to get to a better place. Still on the medication today for anxiety disorder. I have attempted to go off the medication but I have a very bad habit when I become very tensed, stressed or anxious that I pick at my own skin for pain relief. Some people will call it self-harm, for me it is self-soothing. Getting tattoo, piercing is another pain relief for me. I still have a long way to go. This process requires me to have a positive outlook on life and that means giving up the animal cruelty and find something that makes me happy and find peace within myself.
In 2011, my partner encouraged me to go to Deaf Women Circus group and I found my place that make me part of. I continue to train as an aerialist because I love it. I chose to fight for the right of deaf people to be part of the arts and cultural scene. I enjoy music, theatre and visual arts. It is a place I find home and it is a place that I can express myself in without having to say so many words. Being an introvert and a pedantic is a difficult place to be. This makes arts a realm for me to express through body language.
I still continue to advocate for environment in a positive way – I talk about recycled products, suburban vegetable gardening, water conserving techniques and the positive things. I am not interested in the negative things that is not within my boundary – being mining, animal cruelty elsewhere, plant cruelty such as GM plants (I hope I don’t have to deal with that if it happens in Australia). What is within my boundary that can be helped. What do I mean by this? I report the neighbours to the RSPCA for the cruelty of not looking after the pets properly, leaving out a bowl of water for the birds in the drought and feeding the possums down the back during the drought. These things are within my boundary and I don’t want to solve the world most problems because it is not important to me anymore.
Next time, be careful before you make a judgemental question to a person, why not ask, what made you bet today instead of, how did you feel about winning for animal cruelty? Really wrong context and a selfish question to ask without assuming the background of the person. I gambled for the first time for curiosity of what it is all about.